now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
