I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Barsexuality is the new black.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
