What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we're making bets on your personal life
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
