yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
