Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize