the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
NoShamevember. You game?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
