I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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