My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
