The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just high enough for therapy.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
