Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
