yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
