tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize