By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
