just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
