She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
