Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
