Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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