38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
