Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
