There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
