well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
