what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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