Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
