im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
