Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think my moral compass just broke
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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