Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
