Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
