She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
