oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize