What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
