if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
