yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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