I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
