The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
