She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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