I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
