Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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