if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
