mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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