She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
