There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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