Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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