he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
