I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
