my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
