bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
