5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
be right there i have to get my cape
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
