i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
