Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
