Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
