I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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