Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just invented taco cereal.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize