It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize