So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
