Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
