Plan B is the new Plan A
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
