P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
