my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize