you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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