thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
