I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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