Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There's always time for handjobs
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
