I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Who died my cat blue again?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
