This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize