I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
