My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
