I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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