At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
