I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have feelings that need drinking.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I am naked and annoyed.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
