wakey wakey hands off snakey
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize