I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I am one with the molecules
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
