She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
