i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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