Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
